How I crawled out of my black hole

I wanted to write about how I crawled out of the deep, black hole I felt I was in for a long time, because this is something that effect many of us. Many of my clients have this particular problem, and believe me, I have been there. You feel stuck, tired, afraid, and like there is nothing you can do to get to a better place in your life. It is the closest we can get to hell, being in a bad situations with no possibility to escape. 

I have been there many times, it comes and goes in shorter and longer periods. Sometimes darker than others. My absolute worst experience with this was in 2007. I lived in a small apartment alone, and for the first time the walls really came crushing down. At this time I don't think I really knew what was going on. I was depressed and so anxious all the time. Most of the time I was in my tiny apartment alone, in my bed or on my couch. I always had the curtains closed because I was so afraid that anyone would see me. If I had to go out for some reason, I ran to my car and I did everything as fast as I could, and than I ran back inside and made sure to really shut the door behind me. I don't even know what I was so afraid of. I had no energy to do anything, no dishes and not cleaning, nothing. I generally felt like a fat, ugly loser with no chance in succeeding in anything in life, apart from being right there under my blanket. I used to force myself to go to sleep early so that the night wouldn't be that long. It was a living hell.

This cycle went on for many years. In periods I was ok, and in others I was really not ok. And like many of us, I didn't tell a single soul how I really felt like. As I have written in another blog, the last time this happened was january 2015, and it hit me like a brickwall.

The breakthrough though, was that I suddenly saw all my problem differently, I started developing my intuition after going to a healer, and I started to view myself, my issues and the world in a completely different way. I started to see that many of my problems was because of my sensitivity, most of my “stuff” wasn't even mine! I startet to treat my feelings and thoughts with unconditional love. And of course this is  an ongoing process that in no way happens over night. I started to really see that I was the one in charge of my life! I have to come to myself with care and love, and not by being hateful and harsh like I always have been. I have to take care of myself as a highly sensitive person and an empath. I also find that it really helps to be open and authentic about my problems.

I know you might not believe me, and I know you might think that I was in a different experience than you, and that what you struggle with is something no one can come out of. I lovingly and respectfully disagree! YOU are the architect of your life experience. You just have to find the right tools that suites you. There is no mystery or “bad luck” to your situation. There is one or many reasons to why you today feel the way you do, it's just a matter of pinpointing it and healing your wounds. I will not lie, it will be the hardest thing you ever have to do, but in the end I promise you, you will never look back once your eyes are open!