Step 1 on the road to recovery: Meet your needs!

Most of us suffer every single day. We suffer us through work or school and we suffer our way through our free time. Often, we also use spiritual concepts and ways of thinking in order to remain in this state. We tell ourselves that it`s supposed to be like this. You was born for a reason, and now you have have to suffer yourself through this because you are supposed to learn something. This is what we call "spiritual-bypassing".

You are never supposed to suffer! It is intended that you should get new experiences and perspectives by going through the perhaps painful experiences or events. But there is a big difference between this

and suffering. When we suffer we remain in an uncomfortable and maybe even extremely painful situation over time. We see no end to it, everything is black. And when we are here, the idea that you can "think yourself to feel better" or themes like "that you can create your own life" is experienced just as painful and marketing propaganda!

So what to do? For various reasons you are right now at a point in your life where you no longer know what to do, who you are, or how you can get out of whatever you are in right now. I know a thing or two about this particular condition because I have been visiting it myself many times.

Step number one is to give yourself permission to meet your needs.

Most people who are in this situation is there because they rarely or never meet their needs. To meet your needs is a taboo subject, and something we prefer not to talk about. And I think that's very strange, because we all have needs. Have you ever been thirsty? It is a basic physiological need, and what do we do? Yes, we drink and we are not thirsty anymore. It's not like you're thirsty, and then you go to drink some water, and further can not stop drinking water because you first gave in and now you drink several liters at a time? No, you meet your needs so you do not have that need anymore. And a need that you never meet will never pass by itself. If you feel thirsty, then  you will not stop feeling thirsty before you drink.

One of the greatest needs we have, directly above the physiological basic needs, is the need for security. Both emotional and physiological.

Emotional and physical safety. Chances are good that if you are a match to read this, then this is one

of the big holes in your life. When you were growing up did you feel like you rarely ( or never ) was  emotionally or physically taken care of? Emotional neglect and emotional security Is something I have written about before, so I will not dive any further into this right now.

It is important to me that if you right now feel where you are no longer yourself and you do not know where to go, take a closer look at yourself and your life. Be honest with yourself. What needs do you have that have not been met? Do you find it difficult to figure it out? Ask a friend or someone else if they can help you. This is step 1. We MUST find out where we are, once you know what you've missed then you can move on to step No.. 2 where you meet those needs.

Are you in the Facebook group intuitive development yet?

I feel better when..

The thought behind this topic: “I feel better when”, is that you make your own bank of resources to have at hand for the times when you fall back into those "not so good times".

It works the same way as a “safety list”, which you can read more about on my blog by clicking here

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As a general rule, I really don't like the “positivity” movement, especially in the new-age

community. Some of the reasons for this is that I don't believe, most of the time, that any of your problems or issues, magically will unravel by itself because you force positivity on them. On the contrary, it may be the reason why you suffer in the first place. By this I mean that there is a strong voice in the society at large that we have to be happy and positive, and if you are not, then there is something wrong with you! The fact is though, that everybody have their issues, and when we force positivity on top of that, we first of all feel worse because the underlying pain does not go away. And second, we don't get to dive deep and unravel the root issue that needs your attention, which is essential for healing to take place.

That being said, this resource is not for those general times, but as a resource you can use when you feel like there is nothing you can do to help your situation. For those times that you, because of your state, can't seem to be able to focus inward, and you desperately need some release in your situation. When you are in this black hole where you feel like there is no way out, you need to focus your energy on what feels good before you reach that place where we are able to dive deep.

To be prepared for this, I want you to make a side in your journal where you will write 10 
things that usually make you feel a sense of release or that makes you feel better. And in this way, we are armed and ready when the storm hits you, and you no longer can seem to think clearly. Take your list out and select one thing for you to do. ​​​

Example of things for your list:

- Warm shower

- Drinking a cup of coffee

- Talk to someone in particular

- Meditate

etc.

Codependency

Children who have one or more caregivers who are alcoholics, narcissistic or otherwise not emotionally present for the child, so that the child does not feel seen, loved or that someone cares for them, will have difficulty developing a "me". This means that the child will not develop a sense of self. "Who am I?", "what do I like?", "do I have a value?", are my opinions and views valuable? Healthy boundaries and learning to trust others is a part of beginning to trust and establish your own limits in order to know when others steps over your limits. If you grew up with narcissistic parents you have probably never learned that you have your own boundaries. you can say no, you have the right to be angry, and you have value!

Common features for children who develop codependency is that they have parents with unclear communication. This means that the parents generally have a passive aggressive, sarcastic way of communicating. An example of this type of communication may be that the parent answers a question with questions. If you grew up in this kind of dysfunctional family dynamics, you learned early on that asking questions was wrong. You often felt confused about who you are, and if you matter for someone, because you did not learn from your parents that you are a private individual. You rarely or never felt seen as the whole person that you are.

When one grows up in such family dynamics, you may not know that you in an ideal world should have learned tools to develop yourself and your emotions. You ought to have had parents who handled that you were angry at them, and answered you that "I understand that you're mad at me!". Instead you had parents who gave you shame, guilt and asked you to shut up because you were angry. Your parents should have taught you that you have value, not because you got good grades or was beautiful, but because you came into the world as a worthy creature.

When you have developed codependency it will often, in the same way as it is with emotional neglect, be difficult to understand that there was actually neglect that you were exposed to. This is because nothing happened physically with you, giving physical marks on the body. And when you on top of that don't have a healthy relationship with your own emotions, you feel like you can't trust your perspective. This can lead to an even deeper confusion. If you have a feeling that this is you, there are some signs or symptoms in your life you can look for. Are you on a constant quest for love outside yourself? Do you have a greater need than those around you might have for others to validate you? Are you struggling with addiction, whether it is love, food, smoking or drugs in any form? Do you easily feel confused by the people around you, or feel shame over your emotions?

Want to read more about this topic and about growing up with emotional neglect and my 3 steps guide to start your emotional healing? Click here and I will send you the e-book!