My journey to overcome my anxiety. | Goal: mountain hiking alone |

I want to start to share some more personal experiences. The reason for this is that I strongly believe in openness and authenticity. One theme that I'm very passionate about is openness about mental illness. By being open and honest about some of my difficulties in life I hope to reach you who also struggle with something similar. It's better to struggle together than alone :)

The story I wanted to share with you today is linked to my panic anxiety and agoraphobia. I am scared of walking alone, and it does not really matter much where. If I walk in my neighborhood, the forest or city, usually my anxiety symptoms are the same. It`s hard to say exactly why, but some of the reasons is that I`m scared that I will get dizzy and faint, or get so sick that I`m not able to get home. I'm also scared of what other people might think about me.

So here are my story about reaching one of my goals right now:

view from my hike

We have a cabin on a mountain in Norway, and behind this cabin there are endless hiking possibilities. One of my goals was to be able to walk alone up to the first of the tops behind this cabin. Last summer my anxiety was so bad that I did not go further than a couple of steps before I felt all those terrifying anxiety symptoms, and my head got filled up with hundreds of chaotic thoughts. It feels so bad when you suffer from paralyzing anxiety, but even worse when all those judging thoughts comes about how pathetic and what a failure I am for not even being able to go on a small hike.

The last 6 months I have really worked on exposing myself to this particular anxiety. How I specifically do this is for a later time. So when we this weekend went to the cabin I felt for the first time that I was ready to try out my goal. Hike to the first top! Keep in mind that we do not talk about mount everest here, it's only a 30 minutes walk all together, but for me it feels like an impossible thing to do on my own! The terrain is rugged, so you have to be focused - or in my head: not get dizzy and not be able to get anywhere. And there are no roads, so if something did happen to me, my husband can't come and get me. In my head this transfers to certain suicide!

On our way home

With my goal strong in mind I embarked on my journey with my dog, Luna. I don't know what made my pulse the highest, all my terrifying thoughts, or the fact that it's steep uphill all the way. But it actually went ok! I went to the top and took my time enjoying the view! It actually went so good that the next day, I went there one more time, but this time I kept going and found a new path further down the mountain! All alone!

It might look like a small goal, but for me in my situation this was a very proud moment, and it showed me that all my hard work and all my hard times paid off!

What is your big goal?

If you want to read more about my anxiety and what I do to overcome it, here are some blog suggestions:

9 tips for tough times:

http://kristinectora.blogspot.no/2016/05/9-tips-for-tough-times.html

And

My turning point

http://kristinectora.blogspot.no/2016/05/my-turning-point.html

Narcissism

A theme that has come up a lot lately,is narcissism. Therefore I thought I'd  write my thoughts and perspectives on this subject, and what harm narcissistic caregivers / family can do in an emotional perspective.

The term narcissist can in my view be broadly divided into two meanings. One is what we colloquially call a narcissist when we think a person is obsessed with himself, and only acknowledge the person's own thoughts and feelings as reality. The second is narcissist in psychiatric significance. Because I'm no expert in the psychiatric  field, I will discuss the first variant, and on the basis of my understanding, experience and my intuition.

In my eyes, one of the most harmful issues with narcissistic caregivers or others around you, is not necessarily that this person did not allow you to express your thoughts and feelings, but rather that you were not allowed to have the feeling initially. What I mean by this is that it is one thing to have your own feelings and thoughts but not express them, and to suppress the fact that you have the feeling or thought in the first place. This mechanism forces you to turn off and reconsider all your emotional guidance, and not just lie or not talk about your emotions.

Although this is a logical mechanism for most people in similar situations, I would argue that it is perhaps an even stronger mechanism in people who are highly sensitive and / or Empatic. The reason for this is that you have an even greater ability to take on the narcissistic person's thoughts and feelings as your own, which in turn results in a rejection of your own emotional guide system. This is extremely harmful and can potentially pose major damage in your life in the long run. Emotional neglect and repressed emotions is something I have written about many times on my blog, if you want to read more go to the post about Emotional neglect here:

www.kristinectora.blogspot.no/2016/05/emotional-neglect.html

So what to do if you're in a situation right now? I think you have two choices:

1. Create distance. By this I mean that if you recognize the situation you find yourself in as harmful, the best thing you can do may be to create distance between you and the person.

You are the most important in your life, just like the person in question is in their life, and you are  responsible for your own life.

2. Focus all your energy towards you and what you want. The reason for this is that you are currently using most of your energy on the person and not on yourself. If you're working on your own situation and energy by going against what feels good, you will ,because of the law of attraction, either bring that person with you when you take a higher frequency, or you will no longer reside together anymore because their energy is no longer an energetic match.

Inner Child Work

In this blog post I will address inner child work, also called shadow work, as this can be a hard concept to wrap our minds around sometimes. It's a psychological fact that the most mental disorders and destructive behavior patterns are a result of of unresolved childhood trauma, this is why we call it the inner child.

The inner child will not evolve past trauma that is not being properly taken care of and treated. Let's say that you at 4 years old experienced a trauma. Keep in mind that trauma in most cases will not necessarily involve being beaten and locked in your room for months. Although this unfortunately sometimes is the case. I dare to say that for most of us , the trauma is more subtle in nature, like for instance emotional neglect. Those times you were ignored, or you got shamed for your so called negative emotions etc. At the moment you experience the trauma, your emotional body stops growing. This means that even though your physical body might be 30, your emotional body still is 4. And you have to treat it accordingly. Let's say you're now in a marriage that does not work the way you've hoped, so you go to a marriage counselor to get advice, and you're the one who experienced the trauma at 4 years old. If you in this situation is being handed tools to improve the adult you in the situation, let's say tools for improving your communication, this will NOT work for your core issue.

So what will work? You have to treat yourself at the level you are at. You would not treat a 4 year old child the same way you would treat a 30 year old adult. This is where the inner child work comes in. We have to internally treat the inner child by listening and unconditionally being there. In other words, we have to internally do exactly what a loving parent will to their physical child. If your child came crying to you, would you turn your back to him/her and said " I can't look at you, and your pain has got nothing to do with me! So go away!" Hopefully you would not! So then why are you doing that to yourself on a daily basis?

Inner child work is about taking care of your inner emotions and conditions like it was this physical child. This does not only have to be in real-time. The real inner child work begins when we start "time traveling". This may sound strange, but it is very much possible, and easy, to use your consciousness to travel in time back to the first time this trauma was brought on and change the frequency of your memory. Please note that this is a practise that is well known and used method in psychology, which is traced back to Carl Jung (1875-1961) who was  a psychiatrist and psychotherapist who founded “Analytical psychology”. Carl Jung is known as the originator of the concept of inner child with his work “divine child archetype”. So for those of you who felt  that this was a bit metaphysical for your taste, I insure you that this is a method that is much used in popular psychology today.

For more about how to use this method in your own life. This is something I will come back to at a later time. It is also something I can help you with in a private session with me.

How an Intuitive can help you

I wanted to write about what an Intuitive can help you with. This is something I'm asked a lot, and I feel like it's something that is many times misunderstood. Keep in mind that these are just my thoughts on the subject, and it's is not my intention to be judging intuitives or others who works in a different way, or in other ways do not agree with me. I will first write about what I believe Intuitives like myself can help you with, and then I want to address some misunderstandings and in the end I will write about how to word your questions to get the most out of your session.

As an intuitive it is my job to look at the larger strings of life. I see energy and I communicate with spirits, guides and other helpers you have around you. I believe it is very powerful when we are in a position where we figure out that you are in charge, and that you can change your life to whatever you want it to. It's all a matter of consciousness and which tools to use. We all have blind spots, even the most intuitive human do. For whatever reason these blind spots can block us and make us feel trapped or stuck in an unwanted situation. For example; maybe there was a situation in your childhood that you have repressed or you may have doubted its importance. When this part of you and your story is drawn to your consciousness you can begin to heal this aspect of you. We can't heal what we don't know, or don't want to know of.

We all have two points of perspectives: our own as a physical being, and one as our soul or higher self. This means that we all have the opportunity to connect with our higher self, but in some situations we seem to forget this and block this part of us. A typical situation for this is when we suffer from depression, anxiety or mental or physical trauma. In this situation an intuitive can be of help to you to look behind the veil and tell you what you have forgotten. The most important thing, in my opinion is, is to strengthen your belief in yourself and in that you have the steering wheel in your life.

This takes me to the next part that I wanted to address. The reason why I personally don't believe in only doing predictions is for this very reason. It is important for me to help you to your own truth and help you find your power. I believe that a session that is based on a series of predictions alone will strip you of your power, and make you believe that you need me as a middleman, or woman, to fix your life. Which is the opposite of what I believe and know.

So, how should one word a question to get the most out of an intuitive session? The most important thing, no matter the topic, is to come to the session with a feeling of self power. That being said, the very reason why you seek an intuitives point of view may be because you can't find your power, and that's ok! It's all about the inner knowing that I can't fix you, you have to take the information you receive and do the work yourself. Let me give you two examples of questions I get all the time, and feel into the difference of energy of them.

1. How can I step more into my power, and what is this block I seem to hit everytime I try to work on myself?
2. Is my husband cheating on me? Does he really love me?

The first one suggest the willingness and understanding that you have the power, and this will make it so the intuitive information will be more specific and you will feel that you will recieve more constructive information out of your session. The second one is more restrictive, and it depends on many variables, and I believe that it is in most cases not one of your core issues. It's only a layer, and a yes/no - answer will not help you to where you want to be/ be who you want to be.

Distant healing

I wanted to write about what I think is important that you know about distant healing, and what you can do to make most of the distant healing session.

What is healing?

Healing is a natural process. The way I look at healing is that the energy helps your body to function at its best potential. Sometimes it will take away pain, and other times it will deal with the cause of the pain. The latter is my goal. You can look at your issue, whatever it may be, like a tree. If you only deal with the branches and not the roots, you will not get better in the long run. Generally speaking, the healing will work on the cause of your problem rather than the symptoms alone.

How does a distant healing session work?

Before we start it is beneficial that you make yourself comfortable, sit or lie down, it does not matter in which way, all that matter is that you are able to relax as much as possible, with as few distractions as possible. Some people find that relaxing music is helpful. While you relax I will work with your energy in the parameters of the intention that has been set. In a one to one healing session I will either call you back or meet you back on Facebook. It depends on which contact method you chose. We will then have a quick talk about whatever got brought to my attention during the session. If you wanted the 30 minute healing we will stop here. If you booked 60 minutes, the approximately first 30 minutes will contain healing, and the last 30 will be more in the line of an intuitive consultation.

Special information about distant group healing sessions:

In a distant group healing situation we will not set an intention as a group, but I will connect to the collective consciousness of the particular group, and work on the issue or situation that the group represents. Because of the law of attraction, everyone in the group who participates at the event at hand will have a common issue or will deal with common factors in their life. This is because we have to be a match on some level to interact with each others energy.

How I crawled out of my black hole

I wanted to write about how I crawled out of the deep, black hole I felt I was in for a long time, because this is something that effect many of us. Many of my clients have this particular problem, and believe me, I have been there. You feel stuck, tired, afraid, and like there is nothing you can do to get to a better place in your life. It is the closest we can get to hell, being in a bad situations with no possibility to escape. 

I have been there many times, it comes and goes in shorter and longer periods. Sometimes darker than others. My absolute worst experience with this was in 2007. I lived in a small apartment alone, and for the first time the walls really came crushing down. At this time I don't think I really knew what was going on. I was depressed and so anxious all the time. Most of the time I was in my tiny apartment alone, in my bed or on my couch. I always had the curtains closed because I was so afraid that anyone would see me. If I had to go out for some reason, I ran to my car and I did everything as fast as I could, and than I ran back inside and made sure to really shut the door behind me. I don't even know what I was so afraid of. I had no energy to do anything, no dishes and not cleaning, nothing. I generally felt like a fat, ugly loser with no chance in succeeding in anything in life, apart from being right there under my blanket. I used to force myself to go to sleep early so that the night wouldn't be that long. It was a living hell.

This cycle went on for many years. In periods I was ok, and in others I was really not ok. And like many of us, I didn't tell a single soul how I really felt like. As I have written in another blog, the last time this happened was january 2015, and it hit me like a brickwall.

The breakthrough though, was that I suddenly saw all my problem differently, I started developing my intuition after going to a healer, and I started to view myself, my issues and the world in a completely different way. I started to see that many of my problems was because of my sensitivity, most of my “stuff” wasn't even mine! I startet to treat my feelings and thoughts with unconditional love. And of course this is  an ongoing process that in no way happens over night. I started to really see that I was the one in charge of my life! I have to come to myself with care and love, and not by being hateful and harsh like I always have been. I have to take care of myself as a highly sensitive person and an empath. I also find that it really helps to be open and authentic about my problems.

I know you might not believe me, and I know you might think that I was in a different experience than you, and that what you struggle with is something no one can come out of. I lovingly and respectfully disagree! YOU are the architect of your life experience. You just have to find the right tools that suites you. There is no mystery or “bad luck” to your situation. There is one or many reasons to why you today feel the way you do, it's just a matter of pinpointing it and healing your wounds. I will not lie, it will be the hardest thing you ever have to do, but in the end I promise you, you will never look back once your eyes are open!

7 tips to develop your intuition

1. Meditate. For me, meditation is important because it's about stopping thought and finding your own energy. When you know how your energy feels like, it is easier to recognize and interpret others.

2. Emotions. In my opinion you can't connect with your intuition without developing your connection to your emotions. The reason for this is that most of the communication and reading of energy is interpreted through your emotions.

3. Practice your focus. There are many ways to do this. One way is to see a picture or a person in your mind's eye, it could also be a color or shape, like a red dot. As often as you can, try to hold your attention on the red dot without any interference. This is much harder than it sounds!

4. Drink water. It is important to keep the channel, which is you, clear. Water helps to clean out your body, amongst many other things.

5. Play! You have to have a sense of play, too much pressure and seriousness will block your flow!

6. Find your heart! It is important to connect with your heart. Many of us will have problems with this, so techniques for finding, and living from your heart is important.

7. Practice! It's important to practice your ability and interpret what made you correct, and what made it so you interpret it wrong. You have to develop and learn your own “language”. Some ways to practice is to try to predict the weeks news or weather, try finding something that is  hidden or lost and practice reading people. Most importantly, have fun with it!