8 horrible situations for introverts

1. You have planned an evening alone, and suddenly you`re getting  an unannounced visit

2. The doorbell rings, but you are not expecting anyone..

3. At school your teacher says: Lets go in groups of four!

4. You invited some friends, and they say: Is it ok if I invite some more people?

5. You`re watching a movie or something on TV, and then you phone rings..

6. You meet someone you kind of know, but not really, and have to smalltalk..

7. You`re at a family party, and there are no quiet corners to discover!

8. You`re on your way to the mailbox, you see your neighbour, and its too late to turn around.

Reactivity

This week's theme is reactivity, which in short means that we are in a state where we will only act on the basis of our feelings, and not out of the situation we are in. We only react on the acute and automatic trigger. Before we go any further on this, we must look to our childhood.

When we are children, we are at the mercy of our surroundings. Whether you had caregivers who

drank, struggled with mental illness, had narcissistic tendencies or otherwise was emotionally unavailable to you, whether it was only once or every single time, this will be reflected in your programming. With programming, I mean all those things you were told or learned, either verbally or by observing the environment around you, this will have shaped you  to who you are today with your value system, thoughts and feelings. Whatever you have experienced, not experienced or should have experienced, you have today a number of things that trigger you. Perhaps you can often be extremely angry, have panic attacks or other acute reactions to anything going on around you. These triggers are good indications that there was something in what you just experienced that it is worth taking a closer look at.

When we talk about reactivity, we'll talk about those cases where we instinctively react to what you are experiencing, without taking the experience through the body or mind first. This is comparable to what happens when you put your hand on a hot plate, there is a frequent reflex that makes you quickly pull your hand back without having to think about it first. In this case with the hot plate, this type of reflex is useful, if not vital. This is however not the case when we are talking about reactivity in relation to emotions. Very often we can see this when we react very strongly to a situation that basically is small or trifling. The reason why you reacted to this situation is NEVER that you are being dramatic, or "just want attention" as many like to think. But there was something in this situation that triggered a memory you have. Often it could be a smell or the tone of someone's voice. Maybe it was someone who spoke with a loud and brusque voice that took you unconsciously directly back to childhood, where you in the now acutely react and fire off a series of violent emotions.

When you experience this, it is a unique way for you to stop and find out what really was triggering you and why. Admittedly, it is quite sure that this will be impossible for you to do in the moment, but that in retrospect, when you come to yourself again, can take a closer look at. What happened? What do you think you reacted to? What does the situation reminds you of? What in this situation requires you to take a deeper dive into your being?

Your emotions are never wrong, and can never be exaggerated. Therefore, it is important to address this, not because you reacted to something that you should stop responding to, but because your emotions is trying to tell you that there was something in this situation that you reacted to. Take it seriously and try to be present in the violent emotions instead of either feeling shame or blame others.

If you need help with this prosess you can contact me at www.kristinectora.com

About ghosts and the afterlife

I would like to share my perspectives about  "ghosts" and the afterlife. I often hear about perspectives on this topic that I do not completely agree with, and I feel like many of them often is ruled by fear. One of these fear-based perspectives is that some souls "gets stuck" and that they therefore do not come further. I hear this especially in relation to people who have taken their own lives. In my perspective, and in my meeting with the other side, this is not the case.

I do not think suicide in cosmic perspective is wrong and something that should be shamed.

Nor do I think that the heavenly punishment for this is being caught between two worlds, or going to "hell". And having said that, I've never come close to any kind of hell. The closest thing would be the lower dimensions. The dimension we live in, 3rd Dimension, is the only dimension (that I know of) where someone can physically grab you and keep you somewhere you do not want to be. From 4th Dimension and above, you do not have this physical condition. This means that no one can force you to reside in a place you do not want. Therefore, one can say that life here on earth is the closest to hell you will find. There are beings who do not always carry with them positivity. Our universe is governed by the law of attraction. This means you can not be around something you are not match for! So if you are not match to this you will never experience it. And most of us are not, so panic is unnecessary!

Back to the main topic, ghosts and the afterlife. As I mentioned, I do not think, nor have I ever heard about this from my guides or others I have communicated with, that someone can be trapped between life and death. When you encounter a ghost, or have visits from a deceased love one, it does not mean that they have not reached their destination. Certainly, some take longer than others to come "home". But this does not in any way mean that someone is punished or held back. What may happen is that if you die suddenly many may experience that there are different things they're going through, ranging from the learning to understand that they are now dead, or as an adjustment to what they have become. If you are interested in this, I recommend that you read about research on near-death experiences, such as PMH Atwater or others.

Another element I think it is important to address in this context is thought-forms. Often when we find what we call ghosts in the house, this is a thought-form. A thought-form, or an imprint, is an

energy that is left after a person. Often we see this in places where a person has lived for many years. This does not mean that it is the person, or soul, that recur and therefore has not gone further. I think it's important to point out because I feel that many people find it difficult because one can easily imagine that their deceased is stuck. These thought forms are often compounded by fear. Let's take an example. You live in a house where you have repeatedly experienced that doors slam or you hear different sounds. Furthermore you experience over time that these sounds are louder, and you experience the situation as more intense. It is often the case when over time you have given your energy in the form of fear to this thought-form, which means that you keep it in your life.

Step 1 on the road to recovery: Meet your needs!

Most of us suffer every single day. We suffer us through work or school and we suffer our way through our free time. Often, we also use spiritual concepts and ways of thinking in order to remain in this state. We tell ourselves that it`s supposed to be like this. You was born for a reason, and now you have have to suffer yourself through this because you are supposed to learn something. This is what we call "spiritual-bypassing".

You are never supposed to suffer! It is intended that you should get new experiences and perspectives by going through the perhaps painful experiences or events. But there is a big difference between this

and suffering. When we suffer we remain in an uncomfortable and maybe even extremely painful situation over time. We see no end to it, everything is black. And when we are here, the idea that you can "think yourself to feel better" or themes like "that you can create your own life" is experienced just as painful and marketing propaganda!

So what to do? For various reasons you are right now at a point in your life where you no longer know what to do, who you are, or how you can get out of whatever you are in right now. I know a thing or two about this particular condition because I have been visiting it myself many times.

Step number one is to give yourself permission to meet your needs.

Most people who are in this situation is there because they rarely or never meet their needs. To meet your needs is a taboo subject, and something we prefer not to talk about. And I think that's very strange, because we all have needs. Have you ever been thirsty? It is a basic physiological need, and what do we do? Yes, we drink and we are not thirsty anymore. It's not like you're thirsty, and then you go to drink some water, and further can not stop drinking water because you first gave in and now you drink several liters at a time? No, you meet your needs so you do not have that need anymore. And a need that you never meet will never pass by itself. If you feel thirsty, then  you will not stop feeling thirsty before you drink.

One of the greatest needs we have, directly above the physiological basic needs, is the need for security. Both emotional and physiological.

Emotional and physical safety. Chances are good that if you are a match to read this, then this is one

of the big holes in your life. When you were growing up did you feel like you rarely ( or never ) was  emotionally or physically taken care of? Emotional neglect and emotional security Is something I have written about before, so I will not dive any further into this right now.

It is important to me that if you right now feel where you are no longer yourself and you do not know where to go, take a closer look at yourself and your life. Be honest with yourself. What needs do you have that have not been met? Do you find it difficult to figure it out? Ask a friend or someone else if they can help you. This is step 1. We MUST find out where we are, once you know what you've missed then you can move on to step No.. 2 where you meet those needs.

Are you in the Facebook group intuitive development yet?

I feel better when..

The thought behind this topic: “I feel better when”, is that you make your own bank of resources to have at hand for the times when you fall back into those "not so good times".

It works the same way as a “safety list”, which you can read more about on my blog by clicking here

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As a general rule, I really don't like the “positivity” movement, especially in the new-age

community. Some of the reasons for this is that I don't believe, most of the time, that any of your problems or issues, magically will unravel by itself because you force positivity on them. On the contrary, it may be the reason why you suffer in the first place. By this I mean that there is a strong voice in the society at large that we have to be happy and positive, and if you are not, then there is something wrong with you! The fact is though, that everybody have their issues, and when we force positivity on top of that, we first of all feel worse because the underlying pain does not go away. And second, we don't get to dive deep and unravel the root issue that needs your attention, which is essential for healing to take place.

That being said, this resource is not for those general times, but as a resource you can use when you feel like there is nothing you can do to help your situation. For those times that you, because of your state, can't seem to be able to focus inward, and you desperately need some release in your situation. When you are in this black hole where you feel like there is no way out, you need to focus your energy on what feels good before you reach that place where we are able to dive deep.

To be prepared for this, I want you to make a side in your journal where you will write 10 
things that usually make you feel a sense of release or that makes you feel better. And in this way, we are armed and ready when the storm hits you, and you no longer can seem to think clearly. Take your list out and select one thing for you to do. ​​​

Example of things for your list:

- Warm shower

- Drinking a cup of coffee

- Talk to someone in particular

- Meditate

etc.

Codependency

Children who have one or more caregivers who are alcoholics, narcissistic or otherwise not emotionally present for the child, so that the child does not feel seen, loved or that someone cares for them, will have difficulty developing a "me". This means that the child will not develop a sense of self. "Who am I?", "what do I like?", "do I have a value?", are my opinions and views valuable? Healthy boundaries and learning to trust others is a part of beginning to trust and establish your own limits in order to know when others steps over your limits. If you grew up with narcissistic parents you have probably never learned that you have your own boundaries. you can say no, you have the right to be angry, and you have value!

Common features for children who develop codependency is that they have parents with unclear communication. This means that the parents generally have a passive aggressive, sarcastic way of communicating. An example of this type of communication may be that the parent answers a question with questions. If you grew up in this kind of dysfunctional family dynamics, you learned early on that asking questions was wrong. You often felt confused about who you are, and if you matter for someone, because you did not learn from your parents that you are a private individual. You rarely or never felt seen as the whole person that you are.

When one grows up in such family dynamics, you may not know that you in an ideal world should have learned tools to develop yourself and your emotions. You ought to have had parents who handled that you were angry at them, and answered you that "I understand that you're mad at me!". Instead you had parents who gave you shame, guilt and asked you to shut up because you were angry. Your parents should have taught you that you have value, not because you got good grades or was beautiful, but because you came into the world as a worthy creature.

When you have developed codependency it will often, in the same way as it is with emotional neglect, be difficult to understand that there was actually neglect that you were exposed to. This is because nothing happened physically with you, giving physical marks on the body. And when you on top of that don't have a healthy relationship with your own emotions, you feel like you can't trust your perspective. This can lead to an even deeper confusion. If you have a feeling that this is you, there are some signs or symptoms in your life you can look for. Are you on a constant quest for love outside yourself? Do you have a greater need than those around you might have for others to validate you? Are you struggling with addiction, whether it is love, food, smoking or drugs in any form? Do you easily feel confused by the people around you, or feel shame over your emotions?

Want to read more about this topic and about growing up with emotional neglect and my 3 steps guide to start your emotional healing? Click here and I will send you the e-book!

Introduction to manifestation

When we talk about manifesting, we refer to the law of attraction, and how you create your own reality. This is a topic many people are interested in, and in my experience is a theme that is easy to misunderstand. Before we start to talk about today's theme, I will first briefly talk about the journey we all take that plays a huge part in the manifestation process.

When we wake up and begin to see that there is something more than what we can see and touch, this is called the first wave of spirituality. We are beginning to see that we create our own reality. This means that you begin to understand that you can work your way through whatever you are struggling with, and you can live a good life after, what perhaps have been many years, without getting the help you needed. You begin to read books by people like Sylvia Browne and John Edward, and you start to get drawn towards people who see what you see. This gives you an introduction of a new world you never knew existed, and that you can not get enough of. Because you start to see that you create your own reality, you begin to focus on being positive, and to spread your positive word to everyone you meet.

But then suddenly you get to a point where your positivity no longer works. You work hard to tell yourself and others that all you have to do is to stay positive. But suddenly you realise that no matter how hard you try, you still struggle. What really happens when you are so keen to be positive on the outside, while what is happening within is not matching up, is that you begin to suppress the negative thoughts you have. A common thought we tell ourselves is "I don't have a reason to feel sad." But what is happening in your subconscious mind is that you repress those aspects of you that are sad, and that are feeling like crap. At this point we learn the healing aspects of ourselves, and the importance of our “darker” side. When we arrive here, the second wave hits you.

The second wave, or level, of spirituality comes when you notice that positivity lifestyle does not do you any good. It does not work to manifest amazing things when the underlying parts of you struggle. Therefore, it is common at this time that we begin to do the heavy work, such as inner child work, or shadow work. We begin to see that we can work with the painful parts of ourselves, the parts we never before dared to approach. Whether you think these parts of you were shameful or made you a bad person. We suddenly notice the value in these dark valleys and begins the long road to healing our emotions and ours scars.

I hear many people say that they can not attract what they want, and that this is not working for them. But the fact is that you every second of the day attracts what you are a match to. The reason you do not achieve what you want to manifest is not because it is nonsense and does not exist, or that you are the black sheep that this is not working for. It is because your unconscious self and your feelings does not match what you are pretending to be.  It is not thoughts that create manifestations, emotions do. And feelings can not be manipulated into positivity, they are what they are.